What would happen if Bhakt Banerjee went to Shark Tank?

This is just for fun a work of satire

BB: Namaskar sharks. How do you do? Lots of love from bhakt banerjee.
Usually I grill people on interviews, but today I am prepared to be grilled by you.
At least this much I can tolerate for our supreme leader’s start up india vision. And I’m elated to be here.

Shark: I really like your attire. Very traditional, very nice and color co-ordinated. So my compliments.
BB: Thank you so much. This is my shtyle. Not to brag but I’m a walking brand!

Shark: So, welcome to Shark Tank let’s talk about your product.

BB: My product is amrit kaal. It is a revolution in making. It is people’s collective calling.

Shark: What are your sales?
BB: Sales? Here I am talking about a revolution that will make you trillionaire in 25 years and you are asking for figures?

Let me assure you our team is master of sales. We majorly sold PSU uptil now.
Our track record is proven. previous product ‘ache din’ was a bestseller for seven straight years. Now we have a new vision.

By launching amrit kaal we want a negativity free india. Our experts are working on it.
Our goal is to find solution of growing negativity in the country by controlling liberals.

Shark: Is this a big problem?

BB: Yes, opposition and liberals on twitter are both hindering progress. They must be stopped at all cost.
That is why, you invest 56 crore into our amrit kaal at 5.6% equity. If you don’t make a deal today you will regret 25 years later.

Shark: There is no market for this product.

BB: You don’t understand. There is scope of 5 trillion in yearly revenue. We can make it work as we have in the past, you need not worry.

Shark: But I am still not able to understand your business plan.
BB: Sire, need I explain to you, the shark?! If you become my partner we can both do as we please. No more question. No more protest.

Shark: There are other problems. Why are you focusing on this problem?

BB: This problem is getting bigger by the day. Negative people taking TV space and digital media. That is why we should distract public so that people don’t question much. It’s not an easy job.

Shark: Be serious, man.
BB: You think I am joking? Do I look like Kamra? I was humble so far but I can also show you my other face. I am here to do business not beg.

Shark: You cannot make money on that. It is not a scalable plan. Do you get my point?

BB: Sir, what are you saying? Losing money in politics is impossible, unless and until you invest in a pappu character.
Any politician is worth at least 100 crores and you are saying there is no money?

Shark: Your valuation is too high.

BB: Sire, these numbers justify My value. We make the rules of the game in the country. If you don’t close the deal with me, I can boycott you right here right now.

Shark: In this industry I have no expertise. I won’t be able to contribute so I’m out today.

BB: I had little expectation from you anyway. This product is not for you. Any other sharks?

Shark: Your problem is you are influenced by newspaper readings. You have come here assuming that this is valuation game, it is not.
You have jumped into this pool without knowing how to swim.

BB: And you are acting like a know it all. Should I tell everyone how much money unicorns are taking from china? As soon as get home I will boycott all your companies, if you don’t do business with me.

I was hoping to make a deal but you all disappointed me. I’m sorry it’s not my fault that you could not understand my business!

Shark: Bro, I would say NO even if you come ten times after. Just quit what you are doing it’s a waste of time and money.

BB: Well I was only worried for your ache din. Funding I can pick from anywhere else. But now that you have insulted me your bure din start in 3,2,1…

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